I was just at my cousin’s wedding this weekend, and at their
guest book they had a spot reserved for “Words of Wisdom”. I looked at it, and although I really wanted
to add something, at that moment I was hungry, hot and my feet were too sore to
think of anything more eloquent than "Don't be pregnant over summer".
But, when we were driving, what felt like half way to
Australia, I had some time to reflect on marriage, relationships, and yes,
maybe a few words of wisdom. While I am
a relative rookie, with only 6 years of wedded bliss under my belt, Mike and I
have spent 14 years together, so it's hard not to have already learned some
lessons. Plus I've seen some REAL trainwrecks, and they say you learn a lot by watching other people's mistakes.
Now I know plagiarizing is generally frowned upon in most
literary circles, but I`m pretty confident the big guy upstairs won`t mind my
play on words.
Brittany`s Ten
Commandments of Wedded Bliss
Original, huh?? Oh yes and for credibility reasons, this list
is only including, but not limited to the first six years of marriage. Ok, let`s get on with it…
1)
Thou shalt inhabit thy own sanitary
facilities.
I`m not kidding. People underestimate the benefits of not
sharing those sorts of things. It`s
gross, and while I get it that everyone does it, does THAT ever need to be done
in front of anyone else? Ick.
2)
Thou shalt share all accounts, in particular
financial ones.
Ok, I’m going against the Mighty O on this
one. I’m pretty sure she said to always
have your own account. My question.. if
you ever are in a situation where you think it might be wise to get your own
account away from your spouse’s watchful eye, you have much bigger
problems. Since we were married we put everything together, and we both have access to everything. The only downside?? He can see how much I spend at Starbucks, and I can see how much he spends at Tim's. (FYI He wins the argument everytime... stupid Venti Skinny Vanilla Zen Tea Latte's...)
3)
You shall have no other friends above me.
We all need friends outside of our spouse,
this is obvious. Girls love to go out in
large groups and drink copious amounts of wine and laugh loudly enough for
other tables to complain. Men like to
hit the golf course in organized foursomes and drink copious amounts of beer
and swear loudly enough for other golfers to complain. This need not change. But,
there should be no friendship, or relationship, that supersedes that with your
partner. Life will assuredly throw horrible
curveballs, and so far what I’ve noticed is that the only couples that seem to
make it lean on each other first and foremost.
4)
Thou shalt not take thy partners name in vain…
in public anyways.
Oh please we ALL get annoyed at our
spouse. Hockey til 2 am on a Thursday
night when I, or um, some other lovely, doting wife, has to work the next
morning is just rude. And while a bit of
venting to your favorite girlfriend is permitted, let us limit our negative assertions
about our spouses to just that, harmless venting to a good friend. We’ve
all been there when someone gets a little TOO detailed about their personal
problems at work, which forces you to inconspicuously slide a list of local marriage
counsellors onto their desk when no one is around. Let’s all make a pact not to tear down
someone we promised to love and cherish in front of quasi-strangers. And please, please please, especially NOT in
front of your kids.
5)
Thou shalt laugh.
Oh my goodness, there have been
so many points already in our marriage where I didn’t know whether to laugh or
cry. Because of my embarrassing tendency
to laugh in stressful situations you can imagine that I generally laugh, or I go
into the ugliest of all reactions, the laugh into sobbing cry. Either way, I don’t think anyone would ever
look back at that moment and regret that they laughed, or saw humor even at
some inopportune time. Things often seem
so much more terrible in the moment than they do even a day later, so when you
can find the silver lining, embrace it.
Finding out you’re pregnant 4 months after major back surgery, while
specifically intending to NOT have a baby, especially knowing that it took you
months of trying to have your last child… well that’s comedy folks.
6)
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Duh.
7)
Thou shalt raise offspring equally.
How many men swear they will never change a
dirty diaper?? I’ll tell you how many, the same amount that have incredibly
unhappy wives. Everyone wants to have a
baby, and cuddle the baby, and dress him or her up in cute clothes, and take
ridiculous photos, and think they will one day be in the NHL or a University of
Kentucky Cheerleader (wait, that’s just me??).
But, no one wants to get up all night with a sick baby, change gross
diapers, or clean up the carnage of a toddler with the flu. But that’s what parenting really is, and
unless both spouses take equal claim to the crappy parts (and I mean this
literally), no relationship can really enjoy the amazing parts.
8)
Thou shalt not kill… the fun.
Who says being married with kids needs to
be boring?? The best couples I’ve seen are the ones who certainly have “Joie de
Vivre”. They experience life together,
take on adventures together, and become each other’s greatest fans. Do I find the annual RCMP hockey tournament
to be a testament to the greatest athletes around? Not exactly.
Do I find it incredibly
entertaining to watch grown men try to regain the glory they had as young bucks
when ‘they could have made it to the show… stupid torn ACL”. Absolutely.
Does Mike get a thrill from watching horses go around and around in a
circle. Um.. no. Does he appreciate how hard I work to keep
said horse going around and around in a circle… well maybe not either. But importantly, he shows up, gives me a big
hug afterwards and pretends to understand why I do it.
9)
Thou shall not believe your neighbour.
Because people lie. All the time.
About how much money they have, how great their lives are, how together
they have all their crap. NO one is that
awesome. And if they are, perhaps they
can write their own darn set of commandments.
If your ‘friends’ never have money issues, never have mental/health
issues, never have crappy days or have to work out to maintain their incredible
physique, they are big, apparently not so
fat, liars. We all break down, we all
screw up and we all spend too much time thinking everyone else is doing
better.
10)
Thou shalt love one another above all others.
Ok, are you ready.. even above your
kids. “WHAT DID SHE JUST WRITE!!!” “Oh my goodness she hates her children”. This is akin to what a woman on Oprah got
told after making a statement much like this.
But I totally agree. If your relationship with your spouse falls below
anything else in your life, even below your relationship with your children, it
will be irrevocably broken. There is a
saying that there is no greater gift you can give your children than to love
their mother/father. So far, in my six
years of marital bliss, I find this to be true.
