Wednesday, July 8, 2009

5 Minutes

What's 5 minutes? To those of you who haven't had children yet, 5 minutes is nothing; 5 minutes is a miniscule amount of time in which pretty much nothing can be thoroughly accomplished. Frankly, even a bathroom break can hardly be accommodated in such a short amount of time. However, there will come a time in your life when you will wake up and suddenly, voila, 5 minutes is an eternity in which all things can be accomplished. In my case, this time is now.

We moms know that 5 minutes is pretty much the average amount of time you can take for yourself when running a busy household. However, we moms also know that you dads simply cannot wrap your mind around this concept, thus resulting in a sharp decrease in productivity when dad is on the job. Don't get to down on yourselves dads, there ARE things that us mom's can't accomplish with as much efficiency as you. We cannot read the sports page, while listening to sports highlights and updating our fantasy hockey draft. Sorry, I digress...

So what can 5 minutes really accomplish? Here goes:

Put baby down, leave the room while toddler is watching Dora (thank you GOD for mass marketed commercial TV shows masquerading as quality educational TV which we ALL know really doesn't exist, we just tell ourselves this so we can get stuff done.. again.. digressing...) run downstairs, on the way by turn the dishwasher on and refill said toddler's juice. Downstairs, wake computer up, load up email... keep walking on by as you change the laundry trying not to notice the fact that the basement is a horrible mess and your husband said he would clean it up three days ago.. forget the annoyance as your computer alerts you to new emails. Send quick message back to everyone.. Hear baby crying, look at watch, realize you have approximately 2 1/2 minutes before the fussing will turn to full blown freak show. Crap crap crap you turned on the oven to make supper and forgot that you were thawing out the chicken in the plastic container away from the hungry eyes of the cat.. your entire upstairs smells like what you imagine a meth lab too. "How was work honey? I just cooked up a delicious meal for us tonight, hope you like Tupperware".. run upstairs, open window and turn fan on. Baby going from sorta fussy to code red.. must get moving. Run back downstairs and try to find something for supper in place of the rosemary chicken with side of PCB's. "I HAVE TO PEEEE" comes from upstairs.. maybe the juice wasn't such a good idea. Realize baby is now beyond freak show and it actually approaching levels audible to neighbours. Pick her up not because you feel you should, but because you are worried what people might think. Get toddler to the bathroom, only to find that he started things already in his pants. New underwear, new pants.. and WHEW.. the end of your 5 minutes.

So, my dear friends without kids, (or those with grown up ones...) the next time you get annoyed waiting at a light for a few minutes, think of me, and my 5 minutes. Which, I am afraid, are up...