My Non-Resolution, Resolution.

Peace.

It’s my 2015 word, and likely the hardest non-resolution I’ve ever tried.

I’ve seen the idea of focusing on a few key words for the upcoming year in place of the common ‘resolution’ in a few different places.  I instantly fell in love with the idea.

For me, peace is something I have a hard time with.  I’m hot-blooded, sensitive, and unabashedly candid with what I think and how I feel.  While you will never wonder how I feel about you, there are times, as I’ve gotten older and slightly more mature, that I’ve realized honesty is not always the best policy.  People are afraid of honesty, and don’t want to hear things they don’t like.  This had led me down a path of ‘was it worth its’ and self-doubt, and pep-talks from those who know, and love me, most calming me down by reiterating what I know to be true, but sometimes forget in my knee-jerk reactions.

There are people in this world who are not willing to see anything aside from what is in front of them, and arguing to any other end is futile and a war of attrition on my own nerves.  To welcome peace into my life means recognizing these people and situations, and doing what is necessary to keep peace.  It’s not straying away from hearty debate and banter, and disagreeing and arguing politics with like-minded (although with opposing views) people, it’s a part of who I am. 

Peace in my thoughts is as easily obtained as peace in my physical body.  Which, is non-existent.  It crosses my mind as I lay in bed at night hating myself for eating chips, or whatever high-fructose overly-processed thing I have chosen to partake in.  I wonder to myself what it will take to get into bed and not overanalyze my every move, every word, every decision before falling into a fitful sleep and waking up tired.  Again.

Peace is a fragile bond I have with myself.  I own every word I speak and type and yet I can’t help but wonder how others perceive it.  And why is this considered a flaw?  Why have I been told my whole life not to worry about what other people think?  Because isn’t part of being a good person someone who cares about how others feel?  Someone who thinks before speaking or Facebooking about how those we care about will perceive and interpret things.

I feel like a mess of emotion and passion and unbridled enthusiasm through most of my waking life.  These feelings are the antithesis of peace.  Peace is something I feel only in those brief, fleeting moments when I fall into it like an old friend’s embrace.  You know, nice to see you, how long are you staying?

More often than not it’s the quiet mundane with my kids, when that dozy moment washes over me and I KNOW, I just KNOW that being a mom is something I’m good at.  Oh, mostly I’m agonizing over that too, but there are moments when I know in my heart of hearts I’m doing something really right with these three souls. 

It also happens in stolen moments at the barn.  When I’m riding, or grooming, or watching horses work and I look around and see all the moving parts; And I take it all in like a fly on the wall.  The laughter, the tears (Oh! The tears we shed at the barn.  Worse than children these animals can make you feel like a complete and total moron!), the hope, the discipline and that passion.  The passion abounds at a training facility.  The entire place is sustained on passion.

But then reality comes and the doubts set in and I’m back to longing for those peaceful moments.

So in 2015, my word, Peace, will arrive at the forefront of my consciousness.  ‘Will this bring me peace’ will be the question I pose to every decision I’m faced with. 

No, in all cases the peace won’t be immediate.  Being uncomfortable and analytical does help to grow and change a person.  But I need to walk through my life calling on something more than knee-jerk reaction being constantly at war with.. myself.

Now don’t be too worried.  My peace is likely not the Zen found in day spas and Weed shops.  No mine will be a little more manic, it can’t be anything but with my lifestyle.  Loud kids, louder music and a non-stop schedule that keeps me running.  But, it’s the inner peace, the war raging in my mind to quiet down a bit I hope to affect.  Focusing on the light and absorbing the beauty so I can be at once, both beautiful and at peace in the light.

Poets and poetry have always been a source of solace for me.  Starting in Grade Six when I discovered Emily Dickinson.  Their words at often times, seem to answer the questions I ask myself on those sleepless nights.  So for my benefit, and yours too if you want to feel the gentle massage of these words on your mind (hey your brain is a muscle, you must flex it to grow) here are a few of my favorites:

From Walt Whitman:

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then, I contradict myself; I am large -- I contain multitudes.”

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you.”

“These are the days that must happen to you”

From Rainer Rilke:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

“Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final”

Finally, my all-time favorite quote, from Paramahansa Yogananda (say that three times fast….)

“Life has a bright side and a dark side, for the world of relativity is composed of light and shadows. If you permit your thoughts to dwell on evil, you yourself will become ugly. Look only for the good in everything so you absorb the quality of beauty. “

So there it is.. my quest for peace in 2015.  A non-resolution that I hope you can find some inspiration in.    

As a little head start, I’m thinking a hot bath, a glass of red, and a rereading of Eckhart Tolle is in order tonight.  Or maybe I’ll just watch some hockey with the family.  See.. there it is again. My life messing up with my Zen Plans.  ;)

Police in the Media Part 2

What is justice?  What is fair? Who is really looking out for us, police and the citizens they are sworn to protect, out there?

It’s been a tumultuous few weeks for police families in North America.

As far removed as we are in Canada, we have certainly been watching what’s happening in Ferguson, and as of today, in New York with bated breath. 

Will justice prevail?  What is justice? Who is right? Does anyone even care about that anymore?

I won’t speak to the specific case details, and ensuing events in Fergsuon, or those in New York.  Partially because I’m not well versed on the ins and outs of the cases, but mostly because I’m a white girl from Canada, so I don’t think I have anything really enlightening to add to the already lengthy conversation.

But, as I tend to have the propensity to do, I have SOMETHING to say, and I can’t keep quiet any longer.

The backlash to police and the overly anti-police media coverage is everywhere, and it needs to stop.  It is serving no one but the rating-hungry media who is perpetuating drama and unrest in its wake.

I try to avoid it as any police wife does these days.  Sometimes it pops up in the most unlikely places, a Facebook friend's off-handed comment, however, like a moth to the flame, you are drawn into reading it.  (Not unlike that craving you get when you smell fast-food and you think it’s a good idea until you’ve wolfed it down, only to feel slightly nauseated, depressed and certainly remorseful for your actions immediately after consumption.)

This backlash is puzzling because, while I know there are organic roots of unrest, especially it would seem in the south, I’m hard pressed to see this as less of a police issue, but more  predominantly , as a by-product of a much larger race and socio-economic disparity issue.  The media blitz on the ‘bad police’, and people's willingness to buy in has me confused because I’m not sure that the type of attention they are drawing.. news vans, choppers, breaking press conferences, is doing anything to REALLY ensure that the facts are being presented fairly, debated and dealt with in a way to move these larger issues forward.

I’m not sure that the attention the media is giving these trials is for the betterment of society.  In fact, I liken the news vans and reporters are acting as one of ‘those’ friends.  You know, those ‘friends’ your parents didn’t like you hanging around with as a teenager.  Always to the side, never getting their hands dirty, but chiding you along to make reckless decisions on the basis of little to no real information, other than what they have told you to be the truth.  All in an effort for cheap entertainment.  So they could sit back and watch the furry unfold as they remained safely off to the side, minding their business and not getting the consequences you surely know are headed your way.

I’m also not sure whether they are reporting the ‘breaking news’ to keep the viewers informed and educated, or if rather, they are stewing up civil unrest to make for some good TV.  No longer is it sufficient to get a news van to the riot shortly after it unfolds.  No!  Now that news van needs to be right there in the eye of the storm as it builds to a fever pitch.

I can hear you nay-sayers as I type. 

That obviously the media must report on these cases to bring them to the forefront of social consciousness in order to make real, positive change. 

But what has the biggest story out of Ferguson been?  It certainly wasn’t the ways in which racial and socio- economic issues have been brought forward in a constructive way to be death with.  No, it’s been looting.  It’s been the drama and it’s been the destruction in the wake of the verdict.

And no, not all police officers act within their practice of reasonable force. 

Of course, yes, justice must be served to those who deserve it. 

But, what does that even mean anymore? 

If the media is waiting for a shitstorm of emotion and human beings at their worst, who is out there looking for the stories where justice was served, where people went home alive, and where everyone quietly went about their duties in the name of what is right, and in what is just?

Because, I know that happens.  I see it every day.  People do terrible, horrible things to each other and they are arrested and put in jail, charges are laid and bad people are convicted.

Everyday police officers are shot at, yelled at, threatened and society expects them to take it because that’s their job. 

So who, exactly, does the due diligence to make sure people are aware of all the good police do, if the media won’t, and doesn’t want to report on what is, frankly, boring.

Who stands back and asks people to think critically about the cases presented in media vs the cases overall?

 Any 6^th grader can pick stats off the web to make a point.  But who is the moderator that ensures that where people are getting their ‘news’ isn’t only showing one side of the story?

In all the anti-police articles and comments I’ve seen (again.. I try to stay away from any comment section, it’s rife with idiots spewing ignorance ), there is no solution.  There is not a sudden influx of men and women who have ideas, suggestions, the passion to put their hand up and say, “You know, I think I can do better than what I’ve seen.  I have ideas and solution so here I am.  Sign me up for the next training class!”

Instead, there are the same types of men and women who already make up these police forces, the types of people who are driven to make the world a better place, signing up and wondering why in the world it is so popular to criticize and demonize a profession WE as a society have proven we are in dire need of.  They put their heads down, do their work, and get crucified in the media.

Yes, corruption and wrong-doing lurk everywhere.  And most especially in policing where these men and women are permitted to use deadly force, we must be diligent to ensure justice prevails.  But in what arena can we trust that what we, the consumers and citizens who are guilty of taking these at face value, are not being fed our 'new' in a way that reinforces our already ravenous, sensational media?  All in order to court a little controversy, and make for a great scoop?  Where then, can we truly work together for a positive change?

Finally, as a Canadian, I would remiss not to caution against comparing our police to their American counterparts.  We are a different society with different societal norms.  We are not a gun culture.  Our small municipal forces do not have the funding to buy used war tanks off the military.  Our federal members are often posted in remote communities where they pride themselves on talking down a situation, and learning to live and become a part of the community they police.  

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with American police, I’m simply reminding the same Canadians who shudder when Europeans call us Americans, that we are not one in the same.

Also, as someone who has friend and family that work in Canadian media, I would also be negligent to point out that the media circus that is network news down south, hasn't quite manifested itself so far up here.  But, as social media and mobile devices become the way in which we get our news, I have a deep seeded fear it's headed in that direction.  "Newsertainment" if you will. 

I don’t want censorship, so put down your pen (or um, iphone) right now.  I just want the news in its straight-forward, unaltered truth. 

However boring that may be. 

I want the unbiased details, and if presented in snooze-worthy C-Span format, I will be ok with that.  Because it’s the facts and it’s in the details that lead to real change and a more educated population, one able to think critically and act accordingly. 

After all, the devil may, or may NOT, lie in the details.

 

 

Freedom!!

This morning on the radio I heard a commercial for a seminar on financial freedom.

It sounded kind of enticing.  But, being the incredibly superstitious girl I am, whether it’s from being raised by a mother whose mother was Eastern European, or just my nature, I couldn’t stop wondering what would happen if I suddenly really DID have financial freedom.

Like, I sort of began to panic.

That can’t be normal, I know.  Most people strive their whole lives for this particular moniker.  ‘Financially FREE’!!

But, like I said, my overactive imagination (or superstition) kicked in and I thought, in the rocky seesaw of life, what gives for me to gain something else?

If you are wondering what the hell I am ranting about, let me present:

Brittany’s Seesaw Of Life

It’s very simple.  You cannot have everything.  We all need to sit down and stop pretending like there’s a way to have it all.  I believe, from watching a lot of Oprah and studying people all the time, that the harder you try to have EVERYTHING, the worse you start to feel about yourself. 

Like, did you know that social media like Facebook- a platform created to connect with friends, actually statistically makes you feel worse!  Because people are bitches and liars and don’t realize what or whom they leave out, whether purposely or accidentally, can actually make other people feel like dirt.

But as much as we KNOW that people are their own very best PR firms, and are only highlighting themselves at their best, we keep striving to keep up and find ourselves more and more unhappy.

And, I mean, how many uber rich people are 100% happy?? Well, I don’t actually know this but I’m assuming ‘money can’t buy you happiness” didn’t write itself.

And how many dirt poor people non-Facebookers do you see that are happy?? Well again I don’t actually know but those who travel to Africa (ok fine, Oprah again) and see people with very little speak of their innate happiness and contentment with what little they do have.

So logically (illogically?) I subconsciously took stock of my life.

Happy marriage? Check

Healthy kids, husband and Me? Check (also knock on wood.  Which I knock on both wood and my head because it’s what my Eastern European Grandma did)

Great friends, family, and passion for life? Check

Money? Welll…. Enough to sustain us.  But, as Ecard wisdom would teach, whenever I feel the urge to be sporadic, my bank account reminds me to settle the fuck down.  Can I pay my mortgage, car payments, kid’s activities and the odd vacation? Yes.    Am I brunching with girlfriends while my kids are at home with my nanny on my way to my personal trainer? No.

So in the grand scheme of life I find myself happy, healthy (but not skinny.. that’s another balance of superstition and weirdness I have. ) with family and friends that are like family, the ability to ride out my passion for horses (literally) buuuut not overly free in the financial department.

So within my skewed logic I ask myself, what would I have to give to GET MORE!! In this case, financial freedom. 

The simple answer is nothing.  So, in the carefully balanced seesaw of life I’ve worked hard to procure, I can’t exactly add anything without taking anything away.

Now, if my friends and family suddenly become assholes, I’d be willing to put a little weight back on in the form of cold, hard, cash.  But until now, I’m happy with where things are sitting.

However, should there happen to suddenly be a longer, perhaps more sturdy seesaw worthy of displacing all that money on it without any ramifications, I would happily oblige. 

 

The following are exhibits illustrating what I am NOT willing to give up. 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Honest Girl's Weightloss Journey- Day 4

I'm on day 4 of the 21 day fix.  In case you aren't familiar with this program, it’s basically a portion-controlled clean-eating program, with the option of shakes to replace a meal a day if you want.  There are also different 30 minute workouts on DVDs that you do every day.

But let’s get real.  Starting a program like this isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do.  Which, my friends on Snapchat (yes yes.. I do Snapchat.  You should too it's super fun) know very well.  They have been been getting kept up to date on my current moods and/or challenges since I began.

They began with a photo of the front of the eating plan, titled "What is that bitch smiling about" moving to the ever clever "I hate my diet" with a sad selfie of me sulking under a blanket.   The first morning of shakes, there was a close up view of my shake with the caption "Well.  It's not great."

Well friends, now on day 4 I can tell you the shakes are tasting better (A little bit of banana goes a long way), I have lost 3 lbs since yesterday (I was a little afraid of the scale BEFORE I started so I only had the courage to weight myself yesterday and this morning.  Now if you tell me that's water weight I might just cut you), and I'm starting to embrace the idea of clean eating.  I mean, I wasn't a big one for processed foods before, but it's the little things that make a big difference that I'm doing.  Like making my own dressings, and taking only milk in my coffee. That was tough.  Like telling my parents I was pregnant when I was unmarried in University, tough.  But, like everything, after a few days I started to get used to it. 

Overall, despite the fact that between the dog and my kids I have been up multiple times each night (remember the days when sleeping through the night was the status quo, not the other way around…) and that the lack of sleep is trying to entice my body into a narcoleptic spell , I’m feeling quite energetic. 

Now for the workouts.  The program leader girl, (who's body I think is supposed to be your motivation, but is really just slightly irritating to stare at.) nearly killed me on day 1.  It was cardio, and despite sporadic trips on my treadmill in the past few months, I fear I’m quite out of shape.  Add to that her fondness for surrenders (if you haven’t had the pleasure, it’s basically going down on your knees and back to standing over and over again with weights), and well, I’m walking PRETTY strange these days.  I had to forgo riding my horse yesterday for fear I would either not be able to mount, or worse yet, not be able to dismount. ("Hey Indira, mind if I stay up here until my legs figure out how to bend again??").  However, I had my favorite Burlesque class last night so I suffered through the Lower Fix DVD yesterday (Upper Fix was the day before and it wasn’t too bad even though I couldn’t engage my knees at all) in order to loosen up for class. 

Now, I would like you to picture a Burlesque dance combo, performed by a girl who is having trouble bending her legs without making a constipated-like face.  It certainly wasn’t pretty but about half-way through the class my legs finally loosened up enough for me to at least stop grimacing.  Instead it was replaced with a placid smile, and to be honest I’m not sure which looked worse.

Anyways, stayed tuned for what the rest of the week has in store for me. 

My biggest upcoming challenge?? Trying to get through a weekend with my family visiting without over-indulging.  (Insert my mom commenting somewhere that “Honey, we’ll all try to be good” and my dad groaning and hoping I’m not planning to pull a fast one on him by cooking fish or bison.)

Is anyone else in the body-makeover process?  Lemme know what you’re up too.. I’m a social gal who LOVES commiserating! ;)

xoxo

Brittany

This is definitely the face I was making.  And the horse that would prefer I not plan to take up residence on her back until further notice.

 

The 'F' Word

“Girls aren’t as good as boys at lots of things.” –Annabelle Age 5

That’s a direct quote from my daughter.  A quote I would like any anti-feminist, “Oh I’m not a Feminist” sort of women and men out there to digest for a moment.

This little girl, my daughter has grown up in a house where Mom and Dad participate equally in child rearing, where both Mom and Dad have University degrees, professional jobs, argue politics, religion, and speak about current events at the supper table.  We are comfortably middle class, in Canada, where we tote that there is true equality between the sexes.

Yet, my daughter, despite how we’ve raised her, has learned from society that girls are not as good as boys at ‘lots of things’.  She thinks she can't run as fast, throw as hard, or play sports better than a boy.

Now, save me from the stats.. I know that statistically men are stronger than women, and they are able to do physical tasks more easily.  That isn't up for debate. 

It's the general notion that my 5 year old has picked up from TV, school and the playground that girls just aren't as good at life than boys, that has made me both sad, and angry.

So what were you saying, those who argue that Feminism has no place in today’s world of equalizing, affirmative-action policies?

Because, guess what, this is not just happening in my house.  It’s certainly not just my daughter.  And I’m certainly not the first woman to start pushing back on this argument that Feminism is an ugly world, that is somehow denotes angry, hostile, men-hating women who are pushing a hidden agenda. 

In fact, Always recently did a commercial that went viral very quickly.  It’s called “Run Like A Girl”.  You can watch it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs

And it was the simple question they ask at the end stopped me in my tracks.

“When did doing something like a girl become an insult?”

It made me aware in a way I had never been before.  Call it being the mother to a beautiful little girl, or maybe just a ‘girl’ coming into her own, but suddenly I started questioning how the world was portrayed to a little girl.

Like, why did I browse through the card section and come upon a card that said, “Birthday Girl, You Can Be ANYTHING You Want To Be!!” ?  Because I’ll let you in on a little secret, little girls don’t think there is ANYTHING they can’t do.  Until society starts patronizing them and assuring them that, “Yes siree.. even YOU could be Prime Minister some day!!”.  Well, why not them?  Unless there is an underlying notion in the majority of society’s psyche that thinks it’s not as easy for girls as it is for boys.

Feminism, as defined by Google, is “the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.”

It means that anyone who is a Feminist simply wants the same opportunities given to women that are given to men. 

So I would hope that my dad is a feminist, and my husband is, and I will certainly be raising not only my daughter, but my two little boys as feminists as well.

Until there is a day when little girls aren't taught by osmosis that 'girls are less than', well I won't relinquish the argument that feminism is NEEDED still, in 2014. 

My name is Brittany.  I love my police-officer husband, my hockey playing boys, I love the color pink, I love anything glittery, I love horses and pop music, I love my beautifully clever and creative daughter, and I am a feminist. 

And look, so is Beyonce!

I hope you'll join us, too.

 

New Year's Resolution.. in September

It's time to get real.

I'm still sitting here struggling with everything I wrote about here. 

At this point.. it's clear that it's not going away unless I turn around and call this beast into an epic battle. 

Me versus self-doubt, insecurity, and a nagging feeling that I'm not living my best life.

The excuses are plenty.. and I don't want to ever minimalize the excuses.  Because all of us women have a plethora of reasons why we can't seem to get this weight-loss beast battled permanently.  And those excuses are legitimate.  We are busy, over-stressed, highly anxious beings who give so much to everyone around us and sometimes forget that it is just as important to take care of ourselves as it is our kids.  Like the flight attendants say, always get your own oxygen mask on before helping others get theirs.

Now before you get some mental picture of me being some overweight lazy, pajama pant wearing mom in your mind, know that I've had lots of success before.  And I know, short-term, I can get it done again.  Believe me, after the first baby, I worked out and ate right and got back to where I wanted to be.  After the second, same thing.. a little slower in the progress but I got there. 

Now I'm 31, with three hungry kids and an equally hungry husband, a hundred places to get in one day, and a bank account that has a propensity to look dismal sometimes.  I work part-time, I volunteer, and I have a passion for horses that keeps me on the go most months.

Like I said, I've had success, and I know that I can do it again.  Over a few months, I can lose all the weight I want, but then as soon as loosen the reigns just enough to find myself back at the beginning again a few months later.  Maintenance is an elusive Eden I have simply not found thus far in my life.

So here I stand (ok sit..) and I'm wondering if there is anyone else out there that wants to hop onto the Permanent Train to the Shangri-La of Maintenance. 
After all, there's plenty of room, and  I AM an incredibly social creature.  So let's see if maybe we can do this together.

But first, I guess you all might want to know what you are signing up for.

I am no professional.. I'm not selling any products or any lines of supplements that promise to make this easier.

I also don't have unlimited pockets to dig into for a professional food plan and personal trainer.  Workouts and food has to be reasonable and easily accessible.

I have three kids and don't have time to make separate meals for everyone, or time to prep each week for a thousand hours.

I like food.. I LOVE food.  And wine.  And places where I can go and enjoy wine and food.  And I vow to NEVER make deserts with whole wheat flour because that is gross.  So I need some wiggle room.  Or a cheat day. 

I pledge to eat as many whole foods as possible, minimal carbs and sugar, and to work out 5x a week.  And no diet pop. 

I am using this blog as a forum to keep me accountable, which is a reason a lot of people put a lot of things on social media, but really the greatest way I know to express myself and to come to terms with how I am feeling, is to write it down. 

I know I am not the only mom and wife of a busy household that is struggling with the inspiration and dedication towards permanent change, and maybe my daily struggles will help you get through yours.

Ultimately, I've learned throughout my life that the best advice comes from people just like me.  After becoming a mom, I realized that it was those around me that had the best advice for colicky babies, teething, breastfeeding, the terrible twos, potty training and sleeping through the night.  It didn't matter how many articles or books that came out, there was no 'one' way to do everything.  As much as we all wished, there was no book every single parent could buy in order to guarantee a happy, well adjusted baby.

So I figured, why not approach this particular type of Goliath, the same way I did parenting. 

We all know it takes a village to raise a child, so maybe it takes a village to find my happy, healthy place.

I plan on blogging every other day.. maybe every day depending on how things went that particular day.  I would love comments and recipes sent my way, and I'll post them on my Facebook page, or on here if I try them out and decide everyone must know.

(But please don't waste your time trying to sell me anything.. quite frankly it's back to school time and I don't have the money anyways.  ("The bus is HOW MUCH for two kids?!?!?!") )

So if you're on board.. awesome.  Let's do this..

Going Back

I closed my eyes and I could hear the sound of splashing and giggling, I could see the knowing grin of older ones watching the young, and I could feel the heat of the prairie sun on my freckled skin.  The radio was on, just barely loud enough to be heard, the lyrics softly spilling out amidst the squeals and the conversation lulls.  The hard swish of the ball hitting the water after someone retrieved it. The taste of both the chlorine and the salty all-dressed chips on my lips.

When I opened my eyes once again, the sound quieted to a murmur, I licked the salt off my lips but the prairie sun remained warm and enveloping. 

My heart swelled a little as I decided to take a picture, just in case there was a chance I could steal another moment back there again.

It was my 31st birthday and the greatest gift I received was that moment.

In a world that sometimes overuses profound adjectives for mundane events, it was awesome to have such deep, rich memories to go back and visit every now and again.

I am now, as I was then, truly blessed.

Happy birthday to me, indeed.

 

 

 

 

More! More! More!

I was recently at a book club where we were discussing “Gone Girl”. 

Since the novel centered on a missing woman and the instantaneous assumption that it was her husband, and trial by audience, the obvious question arose about the sensationalizing of crime in the new age of Entertainment News (I’m looking at you US cable news networks) and social media, and the inevitable impact it has had on our culture.

“If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” ushered in an era of investigations and trials, sold as ‘news’ but presented to the general public as entertainment.  This type of journalism (I hesitate to use that word, as ‘reality TV producing’ seems more fitting) has created an insatiable appetite for heinous details and at-home trials by couch potatoes and amateur sleuths everywhere.

 

Like the rest of the segment of the population that refuses to watch that awful blonde lady yelling at the screen on CNN (with a very ironic last name in my opinion), I shrugged it off as people not having anything better to watch.  I hoped they knew the difference between what the ‘news’ was spouting and what was actually happening, but decided to not let it eat at me, since there is already such a wide array of subjects that erode my mental health on a very regular basis.

I mean I’m the type of person that tries my best to avoid ‘news’ items shared on social media, and never scrolls down to read the comments by fellow readers after reading the newspaper online, because I can’t actually handle what some people’s comments are. (Sidebar- People, you do know that is PUBLIC right.. and you do know that the police, and people who may want to hire you someday can see what you wrote, skip over to your personal profile and get a pretty good indication of why you should never be employed.)

But with the horrifying news about that sweet little boy and his grandparents having gone viral, it was impossible to ignore the comments and the theories people were sharing online.  But it was one particular thread that had my cheeks red and my blood pressure higher than it probably should be.

People started demanding the police tell the public more.  MORE! MORE! MORE! details people wanted.  It was their right as citizens of this community to know what EXACTLY had happened.  MORE!! MORE!! Tell us all the soul-sickening details of what went down!!

I have four letters for all you true-crime followers with an evangelical enthusiasm for MORE!

PTSD.

 

There is a reason that post-traumatic stress disorder is rampant, and taking people’s lives EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It’s the details.  It’s the scene forever etched in the mind.  It’s the sites, the smells, and the horror of witnessing what the very worst of humanity can serve up.

First responders see MORE! MORE! MORE! all the time.  They know EXACTLY what happened.  And they are killing themselves at a terrifying rate.  In the last ten weeks, 13 people have taken their lives because of PTSD.

I mean the integrity of the investigation aside; these details are kept from the public for a very real reason.  As the family of someone who may have lost someone they loved dearly, do you really think they want the world to get off on the grisly details of the violence their family member met the end of their life with?

It’s an appetite for horror that news-ertainment has created and it’s a monster that always wants to fed. 

From the video taken inside the house at Moncton of shots ringing out, to the uncensored images floating around the web of things most vile, it’s creating a public that is desensitised to images of the dead and dying, to the horrors that happen around the world, and all for what?

Has it made us a more compassionate society?  Or has it created monsters?  People who can’t feel empathy anymore unless they get gory details… because they want to picture it.  Because they’ve never seen it.

Because the people who walk into the situations and clean up the mess, well, statistics are showing they would rather die than see that image in their minds and their nightmares anymore.

I would like to think that people would stop demanding more salacious details, continue with the kindness and outpouring of support that happens when these items go viral, but let the first responders, the police who are investigating, and the family of the victims know what they need to, in order to do what they have to do.

PTSD is terrifying for anyone who loves someone who holds a job where they have to see things the human mind is not equipped to handle.  Some people are able to get through life at these jobs without long-term mental anguish, and some are suffering right now trying to get the help they deserve, and that they desperately need. 

I think it’s impossible to say that anyone gets through unscathed—the mind is eternally imprinted with the gruesome images that come along with these jobs, but it’s whatever therapy works for that individual to maintain a sense of stability.   And it hits particularly close to home because I have a family member who is currently in the terrifying grips of PTSD, and I hope in my heart of hearts this much loved, wonderful human being gets his life back again.

So you know what, anonymous, and Crimewatcher376.. you do not deserve to know more. 

And you don’t want to, either.

100% of the profits from this image will be going toward the Victim Services Unit and the families of the RCMP Officers who were killed on duty in Moncton.

 

Photos used with permission from Dansun Photos.

www.dansunphotos.com

 

MORE! MORE! MORE!

I was recently at a book club where we were discussing “Gone Girl”. 

Since the novel centered on a missing woman and the instantaneous assumption that it was her husband, and trial by audience, the obvious question arose about the sensationalizing of crime in the new age of Entertainment News (I’m looking at you US cable news networks) and social media, and the inevitable impact it has had on our culture.

“If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit” ushered in an era of investigations and trials, sold as ‘news’ but presented to the general public as entertainment.  This type of journalism (I hesitate to use that word, as ‘reality TV producing’ seems more fitting) has created an insatiable appetite for heinous details and at-home trials by couch potatoes and amateur sleuths everywhere.

 

Like the rest of the segment of the population that refuses to watch that awful blonde lady yelling at the screen on CNN (with a very ironic last name in my opinion), I shrugged it off as people not having anything better to watch.  I hoped they knew the difference between what the ‘news’ was spouting and what was actually happening, but decided to not let it eat at me, since there is already such a wide array of subjects that erode my mental health on a very regular basis.

I mean I’m the type of person that tries my best to avoid ‘news’ items shared on social media, and never scrolls down to read the comments by fellow readers after reading the newspaper online, because I can’t actually handle what some people’s comments are. (Sidebar- People, you do know that is PUBLIC right.. and you do know that the police, and people who may want to hire you someday can see what you wrote, skip over to your personal profile and get a pretty good indication of why you should never be employed.)

But with the horrifying news about that sweet little boy and his grandparents having gone viral, it was impossible to ignore the comments and the theories people were sharing online.  But it was one particular thread that had my cheeks red and my blood pressure higher than it probably should be.

People started demanding the police tell the public more.  MORE! MORE! MORE! details people wanted.  It was their right as citizens of this community to know what EXACTLY had happened.  MORE!! MORE!! Tell us all the soul-sickening details of what went down!!

I have four letters for all you true-crime followers with an evangelical enthusiasm for MORE!

PTSD.

 

There is a reason that post-traumatic stress disorder is rampant, and taking people’s lives EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It’s the details.  It’s the scene forever etched in the mind.  It’s the sites, the smells, and the horror of witnessing what the very worst of humanity can serve up.

First responders see MORE! MORE! MORE! all the time.  They know EXACTLY what happened.  And they are killing themselves at a terrifying rate.  In the last ten weeks, 13 people have taken their lives because of PTSD.

I mean the integrity of the investigation aside; these details are kept from the public for a very real reason.  As the family of someone who may have lost someone they loved dearly, do you really think they want the world to get off on the grisly details of the violence their family member met the end of their life with?

It’s an appetite for horror that news-ertainment has created and it’s a monster that always wants to fed. 

From the video taken inside the house at Moncton of shots ringing out, to the uncensored images floating around the web of things most vile, it’s creating a public that is desensitised to images of the dead and dying, to the horrors that happen around the world, and all for what?

Has it made us a more compassionate society?  Or has it created monsters?  People who can’t feel empathy anymore unless they get gory details… because they want to picture it.  Because they’ve never seen it.

Because the people who walk into the situations and clean up the mess, well, statistics are showing they would rather die than see that image in their minds and their nightmares anymore.

I would like to think that people would stop demanding more salacious details, continue with the kindness and outpouring of support that happens when these items go viral, but let the first responders, the police who are investigating, and the family of the victims know what they need to, in order to do what they have to do.

PTSD is terrifying for anyone who loves someone who holds a job where they have to see things the human mind is not equipped to handle.  Some people are able to get through life at these jobs without long-term mental anguish, and some are suffering right now trying to get the help they deserve, and that they desperately need. 

I think it’s impossible to say that anyone gets through unscathed—the mind is eternally imprinted with the gruesome images that come along with these jobs, but it’s whatever therapy works for that individual to maintain a sense of stability.   And it hits particularly close to home because I have a family member who is currently in the terrifying grips of PTSD, and I hope in my heart of hearts this much loved, wonderful human being gets his life back again.

So you know what, anonymous, and Crimewatcher376.. you do not deserve to know more. 

And you don’t want to, either.

100% of the profits from this image will be going toward the Victim Services Unit and the families of the RCMP Officers who were killed on duty in Moncton.

 

Photos used with permission from Dansun Photos.

www.dansunphotos.com

 

What Mothers Could Do

Who am I to ask anything of the world?

I am a straight white girl, raised in middle-class, safe Canada.

I have never been persecuted for my gender, or my religion, or my colour, or who I have chosen to love. 

But as a mother of the world, on behalf of the rest of the women who are mothers in this world, I DO get to ask something.

Can you all just stop acting crazy?

With the bombing and the hate and the wars started by people seeking vengeance, or vindication, (depending on which side you lay), that are killing OUR children?

We are trying to raise little people to be generous, kind, open-minded citizens of the world, but we worry when we look around at the current state of the world.

And we know, it’s not easy. 

There are generations of hate, and war, and ignorance, to contend with.

But we can’t help but think in our quietest moments, what this world would be like if mothers called the shots.

Not mothers who are women playing the role of ‘woman’ on the world stage dominated and produced by men.

But an actual world in which the leaders and the shot-callers got to worry about things that mothers worry about.

Like, has everyone eaten today?  Is everyone safe?  Did we leave everything in order and ready for the kids to take care of it by themselves when we can no longer be there? 

No, there is no time for decades of violence, fighting, and disputes, not when there are other more important things to worry about. 

A place where disputes are handled with thought, and compassion, and equality.

I mean, us mothers can stand in a room full of 10 toddlers with only 5 popsicles and manage to make it work.  We can settle 8 children into beds that have room enough for only 4. 

With intelligence and thoughtfulness and an astounding ability to make sure everyone gets what they need.  And that all the children feel like it’s been fair and just.

So, yes.  I am going to ask one big, huge question to the world. 

Start acting like mothers.

The beautiful images were taken from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/lost-now-found-photos-motherhood_n_5523482.html Where Ken Heyman's images are showcased after years of being lost.