So far in my life, I have sincerely enjoyed many moments. But today, today is the day when I decided to freeze time.
Today I woke up to my boys laughing in their room on the monitor. My seven year old was taking my one year old’s face and making him smile by smooshing his chubby little cheeks up towards his eyes. This in turn, made my one year old first pause, to let his big brother (and hero) do this to him, only to laugh hysterically afterwards.
Hearing all the giggling, my daughter came strolling in my room, snuggled into my bed for a quick cuddle, and then asked if I could do her hair like a princess this morning (heck yes I can!). She agonized over what outfit she felt like wearing (she went with a Justice ensemble.. head to toe), then when I she appeared at the top of the stairs, and I asked her how she got so cute, she responded, “I got it from my Mama”. So I mean.. obviously the girl is a genius.
After all the craziness of getting kids where they need to be in the morning, it was on to errands. I had some groceries to get, and strolled into Walmart feeling like a million bucks. I had thrown on leggings, knitted Ugg boots, a Lulu wrap and twisted my hair into a messy bun. You know, a little boho chic. BUT, after catching a glimpse of myself in the dairy section, I’m afraid it was more hobo than boho. My hair was sort of slumping to the side and had sprung free of my elastic in a few places.
Anyways, why does my “I live in my car” hair matter? Well, because my one year old date could not have cared less. I got nothing but love from that little nugget as I wandered through the store. He held my hands as I pushed the cart and every time I looked at that impish little face, he closed his eyes, puckered up and yelled “MMMMMMMMM”, which is the universal signal for “Kiss me!”.
Then he opened those big blue eyes and tried to slip me the tongue, which was apparently hilarious to him, as he laughed and laughed and even held the “I’m laughing” back bend position in the front of the cart long enough for bystanders to remark how stinking cute he was. This kid has charisma a mile long.
And the dimples. Ohhh the dimples. They get the ladies at every turn.
As I finished paying and walked to my car talking to him about how much I loved him and how cute he was, I made my decision.
I am stopping time.
Here in this moment.
Despite the hectic schedule that has me running around like a crazy person, the appointments I barely make, my bank account being thirsty at times, and the extra pounds from all the homemade cookies the kids beg me to make, I want to stay here.
I want to be so tired by bed time, after work, errands, activities, making supper, bathing, making lunches, planning for the next day of school, that I flop onto the couch with my husband and yawn all the way through the one show we have time for before we both pass out, and I want to do it forever.
Because, every night when we tuck them into bed I know where they are. I know I can help them if they are sad, or scared, or sick. I know I can sit back with absolute confidence and predict exactly what they will do.
I know my oldest will come home from school, drop his bag inside, and be outside with a neighbourhood boys playing hockey within two minutes. I know my daughter will come home from preschool and tell me all about the craft she made, and that she’s starving, and a question as logical as, “Why do we call the sky “sky” and not “tree”. (I suppose I should have listened more carefully in Philosophy 101.) I know my toddler will likely try to hit the dog or his sister with a mini stick, and try to smile his way out of the punishment.
And the knowledge that someday in the future I have to send them out with all this behind me is two parts terrifying, and one part exciting. Terrifying for all the obvious reasons, but also exciting to see who they become, and who they choose to be, without their parents looking over their shoulder.
But for right now I don’t want to think about that. I don’t want to think about a time when these little people are anywhere else but in our bed, laughing and wrestling and fighting too (let’s be honest).
So yes, I would like to freeze time.
How does one go about this sort of thing? Any tips? ;)